


Never Got To Say

by Liam Varrel (nordicAdvisor)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Brothers, M/M, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-27
Updated: 2012-08-27
Packaged: 2017-11-13 01:05:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/497681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nordicAdvisor/pseuds/Liam%20Varrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two brothers meet for a short period... But will one ever be able to say the things on his mind?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Got To Say

Dave Strider stood outside the meteor as it entered a dream bubble. He could see things shifting and changing shape. Suddenly he was on LOWAS again. The young boy walked around a bit, not sure if he would actually be moving along the asteroid or not. It would sort of suck to just suddenly fall off the space rock. If that was even possible. Then the cool kid froze in his tracks. A nightmare stood before him that made his heart twinge in pain and his breath catch in his throat. Dave kept his cool though, his brow only twitching once as he stood straight and stared at the vision before him.

 

“Sup.” The words were cool, blank, and full of the lessons he had been taught about how to be a Strider. And then he heard the words that had haunted him a bit this last year and a half.

 

“Sup kiddo. How are you holding up?” It was hard to really believe that Bro was standing right here. Dave kept his gaze focused on his older brother's chest, the area where he had been stabbed clean through. The blood and unbreakable katana flashed before Dave's eyes again. Damn he was thankful for these shades. They hid where his eyes were and hid the fear and sadness that they always seemed to betray.

 

“Pretty good, I guess. I mean,” Dave paused for a second, trying to get his pounding heart under control. “I'm on an asteroid right now and I'm pretty sure I'm talking to you through dream bubble...” He couldn't think of a word to describe this kind of magic shit. Maybe Rose knew more about it than the blonde did. “Whatever the fuck dream bubbles use to play our memories.” Dave raised his eyes but not his head, that would give him away. He looked into Bro's shades and felt a warmth that he hadn't felt in an eternity. At least that's what it had felt like.

 

“Sharp as always, kid,” Bro barely let a smirk out before continuing. “Yeah, this is a dream bubble. Don't know whether it's yours or mine but honestly I've gotten past the point of caring about that kind of shit.” Bro looked around for a second. He seemed unreal, his blonde hair shining in strange ways and his muscles seeming to contract and expand in an ethereal behavior. Dave smiled to himself at the compliment.

 

“Of course I'm sharp, look who taught me to be.” Dave knew it was his memory of discovering his brother, but there was something that he couldn't figure out. So he spoke up. “So are you...” Dave felt trouble in getting the words out. He cursed himself for it, he was a Strider dammit. There should have been no problem in figuring this shit out. “Real or part of the memory?” Dave hoped it was the latter, he hoped to whatever God was torturing him. He could handle a memory. Striders don't fuck around with memories. It would be easy to leave the situation and go back to being Dave Strider, Knight of Time and Coffee-getting. Bro seemed a bit amused at this and smiled a bit brighter, though there was that sense of sadness to it as well. It was so subtle, but Striders knew how to read each other.

 

“Oh don't worry about that, man. This is 100% pure real deal right here.” Bro could tell that wasn't what Dave wanted to hear, but it was the truth and he wasn't going to deny his little brother the truth in this kind of situation. Dave nodded a bit in response.

 

“All right, cool. Because Striders don't waste time with memories.” The kid felt like he had to reassure Bro that he was still following all the rules of being cool, of being a Strider, and all the lessons he had learned from strifing with the young adult. Bro lost his smile at that. Shit.

 

“You sure about that, little man?” Where was he going with this? Of course Striders didn't waste time with memories. It meant thinking in the past and that meant slowing yourself down. You couldn't get bogged down with memories of dead siblings. “Pretty sure everything I've been dealing with up until now has been a memory and I sure as hell ain't anything but Strider,” The stare the adult was giving to Dave was definitely parental in nature. But then he smirked a bit again. Of course, Bro always had to make a bit of a joke in a conversation this serious. “Heck, you could be another memory yourself.” That hit a bit of a nerve with Dave, just like the older Strider knew it would.

 

Dave tensed up a bit and then crossed his arms. “Hell no I'm not. Real deal here too,” He lifted his god tier cape a bit to show it off. “Check out this sweet god tier swag, Bro.” Dave could feel a giant smile trying to break through, but there was no way he was going break. Not yet. Nothing bad was happening and it was just a typical conversation with his older brother. Keep the poker face, make his ghost proud or whatever.

 

Bro nodded in approval and then pointed at the cape. “Oh yeah. That shit is so sweet it's dishing out diabetes left and right,” A quick shiver of shoulders gave away Dave's laughter at the joke. Good, the kid was being a bit more relaxed. “Check out that pimping cape, man. That thing must be bringing in all of the bitches.” Bro kept his smirk before noticing the shoulders of his younger sibling slump a bit. Well that didn't mean good things.

 

Dave shrugged a bit and dropped the cape, shoving his hands into his pockets. That also wasn't good. “It really is,” A soft huff of a chuckle and then he continued. “Unfortunately, it's also bringing in loudmouthed assholes.” He shrugged again and tried to look a lot less bummed out. His emotions were firing at random. The little Strider didn't know how to feel about this how situation and bringing up about Vantas' hate-flirting made things just a bit harder to control.

 

Looking up, Dave could see Bro tilt his head to the side a bit. “Somebody been giving you some unwanted attention?” Now that was not something Bro would stand for. There was no way that a Strider was going to go through life without knowing what to do about unwanted attention. Bro took a step forward, he saw Dave tense at that and just stood there then. Seems he still had some issues. Dave stared at Bro for a long time before nodding in agreement to his guardian's statement.

 

“Pretty much. This troll dude won't stop like,” He thought of what to call the strange ways of courting for trolls. “Hate hitting on me or some shit.” Dave shrugged again. It wasn't a big deal but he didn't really know how to feel about it. He hadn't even really begin to think about what kind of relationship he wanted to be in. If he even wanted to be in one. Bro took another step forward; he was testing his grounds. Dave was still tense but he didn't make a move against it, that would give away his feelings which cool kids didn't do.

 

“Okay,” Bro nodded to himself and put his hands in his pockets, his signal for lesson time. “I'm going to teach you the secret technique for dealing with that kind of shit.” Bro knew a good way to get Dave to relax again. He didn't want his kid to be so traumatized at seeing him so he thought of a quick joke to help Dave out. Dave smiled a bit there and nodded a bit himself.

 

“All right, cool.” Shades were looking at shades now and Bro pointed in Dave's face.

 

“You ready, little man? Because this shit is important.”

 

“I am all the ready. I've been ready since the start.”

 

“You should be taking fucking notes.”

 

“Mental notes, Bro. You know this.”

 

Bro smiled at that. He still learned quick and easy just like he had been taught to. The older Strider couldn't help but wonder if he had taught Dave maybe one too many things that he really shouldn't have, but there was no time to worry about that. The bubble could be out of reach any minute now. Time to get this show on the road. “First, you gotta get real close to the guy. Invade his personal bubble like some overly attentive drunk chick.”

 

Dave laughed at that on the inside, Bro could see it from the relaxed stance he took on. “Or Rose's mom.” He added to the conversation. Bro laugh internally himself before nodding again and continuing.

 

“And when the guys all uncomfortable because you are all up in his personal space you lean in and say this one little line right here,” Bro leaned in himself, he was close enough that the line would work it's magic if whispered. Dave just stared at Bro's face, waiting for the result. “I've got AIDS.” Bro stood back up and crossed his arms, finished with his lesson. “Quick way of getting rid of any unwanted attention.” Staring down at Dave, he saw him actually laughing. Good, the kid was all the way relaxed by now.

 

“Haha, that's classic!” Dave stumbled the words out as he laughed and remembered when his Bro had done this sort of thing in the past. Cracking sick, crappy jokes just to help Dave relax. It looked like it still worked even now. “But I don't think troll alien pricks know what AIDS is exactly. Or maybe they can't get it. Something tells me it won't be as effective, though.” Dave regained his composure after the small laughing fit and held his hands at his side, a sure sign that he was feeling his normal self now.

 

Bro looked a bit perplexed by that information. He had sort of forgotten that part. “Oh right, we're dealing with a bunch of aliens here. Just lean in and tell him that you want to do something seriously sick and he should leave you alone.” Shrugging it off he looked over how mature Dave had grown it was really kind of surprising. Bro knew he was dead at this point, he knew that Dave was having trouble dealing with that. He hadn't really taught the kid how to deal with death, did he? Oh well. It seemed like Dave was doing just fine. He had grown quite a lot and he was proud of the young Strider for it.

 

“All right, cool. But...” He paused and that peaked Bro's curiosity. There was no reason Dave should be pausing or hesitating. “There's something else that's bugging me. I can't tell anyone else or it might jeopardize the Strider reputation.” A silence floated down over the brothers as they stared at each other, however the smaller one was actually staring at the ground as his jaw clenched. Bro spoke first after the millenia that passed.

 

“You going to leave me hanging or are you going to tell me?” He was concerned, that was no surprised, but Strider poker faces never broke. Even if he was scared for what might be said.

 

“I miss ya, Bro.” Dave grit his teeth again, he could feel his eyes getting warm with tears but he kept them down. For now. “Fuck, I know I'm not supposed to and shit but I can't fuckin' help it.” He wanted to shout that but it came out as a flat, monotone comment. His voice wasn't wavering, good. That meant that Dave was still under control. At least right now.

 

Bro stood there, silent. He knew it was going to be said sooner or later, but he still didn't know how to tell Dave how he felt. Something inside Bro told him to just fuck the Strider reputation and just have a good old feelings jam with his little bro, but he couldn't. He had to build courage for that first. But this silence, he knew it was killing Dave. Dave stood there, tense and on the verge of shaking, no doubt fighting off his own tears. Bro took a soft deep breath. Keep it together. For the little man.

 

“... I miss you too, kid.” It was all he could say at first but the reaction from Dave, a jump and squarer shoulders, made him keep going. “And I'm sorry for leaving you all alone like this. I know how hard it is growing up on your own and honestly I never wanted that for you. But I raised you to be able to handle yourself.” Good, some reassurance was what Dave needed right? Shit, Bro had to admit to himself that he had never expected to be having this conversation with Dave right now, but it was happening and he couldn't stop it. Not now.

 

Dave nodded slightly. It was jerky movements and it was obvious now that he was starting to break. He held it together a bit more though, after hearing Bro's last statement of truth. “Yeah you did and I've been able to but,” The dreaded but that fell off the face of the earth with the rest of his emotions. That was when Dave broke. He whipped his head up and the tears were now freely streaming down his face. He couldn't stop them, he had given up trying to fight them off. The kid's voice broke and shattered with his heart as he spoke more. “Shit. Why'd you have to go and die, you asshole?!” He was shouting now, causing his already tear-striken voice to break just a little bit more. “Fuck...” Dave wiped at his eyes but the tears wouldn't stop. There was no way that they would. His feelings were out there and he had no power or right to stop them from expressing themselves. “You just,” A sniffle and a held back sob and then the child Bro had had so much fun raising continued. “Left. It wasn't fair...” The shouting had stopped and now he was just holding himself as he felt his body jerk with each sob he held back, though they still pushed their sounds out of his throat. Bro could tell that Dave hated himself right now, the older man was feeling the same thing because of what he had to tell Dave.

 

“It was how thing had to play out, little man.” Keep it together, Strider. That's what Bro told himself as he continued with his words. They were mature but they killed both the brothers equally. “I was never supposed to make it into your little game to begin with.” The taller one cracked a bit of a small smile before letting the words flow again. “Didn't mean I wasn't going to use what I had to give you kids some time to do whatever it was you needed to do.” Orange eyes wandered over to look at red ones. The shades didn't even matter anymore, the two could see through them easier than looking through a window.

 

Then the truth came forward, in the crackled and sobbing voice of one Dave Strider.

 

“You were supposed to show me how to be a hero like you and all that other sentimental shit.” The boy almost fell to his knees then, but he spread his feet out to keep himself upright. Bro, however, took a fair step back. He hadn't seen that coming.

 

“What the fuck are you talking about.” How could this kid not see how heroic he had been? He had saved lives and protected those he cared about. Bro knew that Dave had also thought about facing Jack alone before realizing that he would need his friends for that. Bro's brow furrowed and his frown turned sad and concerned. He didn't even care about poker faces anymore, this was not the time for them. “Who's the one wearing the fancy red pajamas here.” Dave's older brother's hands were held out in front of him. As if to say, “How can you not see what you so obviously are?” Dave leaned forward a bit more as another wave of sobs hit him. He was trying so hard, even now, to calm himself down. It was so obvious to Bro how heroic this kid had become but for some reason his little brother just couldn't see it.

 

The tears settled down a bit and Dave took the opportunity to talk through them. “I don't feel like I earned these,” He bit at his lip, then his cheek. Nothing helped stop the tears or the broken voice so he just said screw it and soldiered on through the wreakage of his emotions. “All I did was kill a bunch of other Daves and then got incinerated in a giant explosion that created a weird sun thing.” Dave looked to the ground as he remembered all the dead Daves that were strewed about Skaia and how he had probably failed to protect Jade when Jack was right there. The boy remembered how John had done so much with the powers he was given when Dave couldn't even find the balls to get himself to god tier faster. Bro took Dave's breakdown as a moment to step up to him. The older brother grabbed his sibling's shoulders. Dave jumped and his sobbing hitched up in his throat. The fourteen year old looked up to his twenty year old brother. His shades had slipped and his face held all of the emotion that he was feeling right now. Poker faces were gone on both sides when Bro lifted his shades to show off his concern for this kid he had tried to protect and teach. Then Bro did something unthinkable. He hugged Dave. He held his little brother so close and so tight. Dave was caught off guard for a second and his eyes grew wide before his face broke into even harder sobs. He gripped the older man's shirt and just cried. He cried for what he thought were failures, he cried for his weaknesses he thought he had, but most of all, he cried for the overwhelming sadness and loneliness he felt for losing his Bro. He was still a kid, being scared of all of this and just wanting to go home and fight with his brother like old times. But at the same time, Bro had realized, he had grown so much and was an adult in almost every sense of the word.

 

“Dave, listen to me,” Bro spoke softly, having waited for Dave's breakdown to reach a quieter part of itself. Now the boy was just softly shaking and hiccuping out a sob here or there. Bro didn't know how long it had been, but he didn't care. However, he knew that his time with his little brother was more than likely growing short. He gently pulled Dave back, a signal to the younger to look at his guardian's eyes. “You worked your ass off to get this thing in motion. You've matured considerably since this entire thing began and so have your skills,” Being the cliché older brother he was, Bro ruffled Dave's hair a bit before putting it back in place. “You earned that shit and don't let anything make you think otherwise, little man.” For the first time since Bro had found Dave in that crater, he smiled down at the boy. A genuine smile, not some shit-eating grin or cocky half-smirk. A real, warm, loving smile from one brother to the other.

 

It calmed Dave's mind down and the teenager wiped his eyes before nodding a bit and taking a deep breath. He stood up straight and proud, though there was still a bit of a shake in his muscles. Bro lowered his hands from Dave's shoulders to his arms, helping to straighten him up and show himself off with that Strider pride. “Yeah,” One last sniffle escaped Dave's nose before he wiped his eyes for a final time and smiled up at his brother. A true, happy smile on his own face. “Thanks, Bro.” The love that was being shared between the two was something rare and neither one could remember ever doing such a thing before. It was a sad fact that Bro regretted but he wasn't going to show that now. However, Dave's smile suddenly dropped to the floor as a thought crossed his mind and then his lips. “Am I... Ever going to see you again,” His eyes, shades still there yet at the same time they weren't, portrayed the concern and fear that his trained voice held back. “Or was this dream bubble shit just sheer dumb luck?” The question was a good one and Bro didn't have an answer for the little, scratch that, young man.

 

Taking a moment to actually think it over before responding, Bro spoke slowly and with determination. His face was serious. Not the usual Strider stoic poker face, but real seriousness and importance. “I can't really answer that. That kind of stuff is all out of my control.” Bro gave a quick smile, though it twitched at the edges, something Dave caught and furrowed his brow at. “But Dave,” The teen's attention was brought back to the protective voice of Bro Strider. “If this is the last time we see each other I want you to know something,” Bro hesitated for a second. It alarmed Dave and he could feel his kid tense up. Something else was getting ready as well. No time for hesitation here, Strider. “I'm proud of you, kid. You've grown up into a strong, intelligent, handsome young man and honestly I couldn't have asked for a better kid.” With a sad smile and a quick tight hug, Bro could feel things tugging on his existence. Dave smiled back up at him, his own sadness mixing in with his happiness. He could tell Bro had something else to say so he held his own sentimental shit for after that.

 

It was true, Bro did have something else to say. He was having trouble getting the words out, so he hugged Dave tight as he started to feel his essence fade. The meteor was leaving the dream bubble. He had seconds left with his sad, scared little bro. “I love you, little man.” Dave was enjoying the hug, so glad to have met Bro again in this dream bubble. The teen was about to respond back when he caught on that the voice of his protector and teacher had wobbled, like a record that was warped and wavy. Dave's eyes opened wide in fear and disbelief as he suddenly felt his brother disappear from within his arms.

 

“No!!!” Dave screamed into the emptiness as the dream bubble was left behind. He ran in the opposite direction of the meteor's travel, his hand futilely reaching for the bubble that had just brought and torn away so much joy and closure. Maybe he could get back. Maybe he could say what he never got the chance to. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But it was too late. The bubble was left in the rock's dust and Dave felt his legs disappear from underneath him. The tears fell again and Dave was glad there was no one out here. He screamed incoherently into space, punching the ground of the asteroid. He screamed for his brother back, he screamed for his life back, and he screamed for his mind back. Finally he gave up, angry, frustrated tears still falling, but in silence. “I never...” His voice whispered harshly, then he yelled it to the heavens that he refused to believe existed now. “I never got to say goodbye, you asshole!! That's all I wanted! I never got to say goodbye! I never got to say goodbye!” Dave collapsed into a ball as he slammed his forearm on the hard earth. “I never got to say goodbye...” The voice of the teenager was a whisper again as he cried and bawled just like he had a few minutes ago on his older brother's chest.

 

 

A couple hours later, a very blank and empty Strider walked the hallways of the meteor. Karkat picked up on this strange sort of normal behavior of the human and kept his distance. Rose also kept her mouth shut and left the boy alone. She could tell there was something wrong with her brother, but she had the feeling that no matter what she would say, it wouldn't have helped. She was right to think so, Dave was mourning his brother once again. There were only two things that ran through the blonde boy's head and those were the two things he hadn't been able to say.

 

'I love you too... Goodbye, Bro.'

**Author's Note:**

> Second fanfic from me! This one is an actual fiction. The idea just popped into my head one day and being the sucker for sadstuck that I am, I couldn't resist writing it out. I hope you all enjoy and know that this brought a tear to my eye just writing it. I hope all of the emotions from Bro and from Dave are portrayed well and if you have any constructive criticism let me know!


End file.
